Does anyone feel ugly

I walked from philosophy into a demeaning customer-service job into a programming job. It took guts to get into philosophy, and guts to get out, but not necessarily talent. It took grit to have the customer-service job, but it still feels like I was too much of a princess exactly what my dad told me I was to endure the kind of job most people do. Everything feels like something I should have already known.

My fire is going out. The anger that could whip me into doing things is ebbing, and I am so scared that I am just going to be stuck in this empty house of a life, friendless, loveless, joyless.

A stupid sad girl who, honestly, deserves what she got. How do I change my life? How do I make my life feel like a choice? I think it might be me. Stuck Dear Stuck,. You need to tell new stories about yourself. Real intellectuals work on weekends.

I am the problem. My fire is gone. But sometimes when you turn to the same strategy over and over, something shifts and it stops working. You need a new perspective. You need to feel your way forward instead of using your oldest tricks. Sadness and vulnerability look weak to you and to the person who put so many bad stories in your head. You want to be brave and angry instead of fragile. You want to rise above your feelings and reason your way forward. But when you treat your choices like intellectual puzzles to be solved, all of the bad voices in your head get involved, and you get confused and move in tight little circles and go nowhere, then you get furious at yourself for your lack of progress.

Your letter which is not a mess — far from it! Talent is imagination and hard work. Imagine, having that license to sit and play and write all day long! Take that kind of story, throw in a ton of hard work, and you create talent out of thin air.

Was Mozart merely an average kid? Maybe not. But there are thousands of musically talented children out there who merely resolved to follow their musical passions in spite of a thoroughly indifferent world around them. They loved music so they kept working hard. What mattered was working very hard at something they loved. They felt their way there.

They wanted things without shame or fear. They ignored the bad voices around them and the bad voices in their heads, and they followed their desires. There were no puzzles to solve. They honored their hunger. All that matters is how you live in the moment: Do you tell your own stories? Do you honor what you love? Do you feel you have a right to your own desires? They focus on flaws that seem minor to others. Focus to extreme on their looks.

With BDD, people find it hard to stop thinking about the parts of their looks they dislike. They focus on specific things — like a pimple on their skin, or the shape or looks of their nose, eyes, lips, ears, or hands. Feel upset about their looks. People with BDD feel worried, stressed, and anxious about their looks almost all the time.

Check or fix their looks. With BDD, a people feel the strong need to check their looks over and over. For example, they check their looks in a mirror, ask others how they look, or "fix" their looks many times a day. Try not to be seen. Some people with BDD feel so bad about their looks they don't want to be seen.

They may stay home, keep to themselves, or use makeup, hats, or clothes to cover up. Some people with BDD avoid looking in mirrors because it is so stressful.

Have a false image of their looks. People with BDD don't see their body as it really is, or as others see it. The flaws they focus on are things that others can hardly notice. They feel sure they look ugly, even though it's not true. A trained mental health therapist who understands BDD can diagnose it. They ask questions and listen carefully to the answers to know if a person has BDD or another disorder. There is still much to learn about the exact causes of BDD.

But experts believe that these things play a role in causing BDD:. BDD is not caused by anything the person or their parent did. When you feel lonely or find yourself unable to fit in, you could end up placing the blame on your appearance.

Many people do, unfortunately, make quick judgments based on appearance. This rejection can cause lasting pain and leave you doubting your own worth, especially when it seems to happen consistently. Seeing yourself as ugly, then, might lead you to pursue beauty simply to earn the social acceptance that so regularly comes hand-in-hand with attractiveness.

Your personal experiences and perceptions shape your daily life. But keep in mind: Everyone else in the world operates in much the same way. As a result, you might feel cast down by an awful breakout, a bad hair day, or an unflattering work uniform. You can learn more about managing the spotlight effect here. Rather, feelings of self-hatred might get in the way of the loving self-care that leaves you feeling good about yourself.

Mental and emotional misery can play a large part in how you perceive yourself, physically and emotionally. Dozens of romantic comedies and TV shows with makeover storylines might send the message that changing your appearance will yield the social acceptance and self-confidence you yearn for.

But this confidence might not take root, no matter how you look, unless you also accept yourself with loving kindness and compassion. In a nutshell, body neutrality represents a change in topic.

Body neutrality helps you learn to appreciate what your body can do, not how it looks. Our guide to body neutrality can help you make the shift. Even if you lack a highly tuned fashion sense or flair for hair and skin care , a quick Google search will lead you to countless free tutorials where you can explore possible changes without consulting a stylist. Simple changes that reflect your natural features can promote body neutrality while also boosting self-confidence and helping you consider yourself in an entirely different light.

Some people even find that body modifications, like piercings and tattoos, offer personal expression that inspires self-confidence and self-acceptance. Certain mental health concerns can factor into your sense of self-esteem and affect the way you perceive yourself, including:. A therapist can offer more insight into potential underlying causes and guidance on helpful next steps when:. Our guide can help you find a therapist. Even romantic attraction depends on much more than appearance alone.

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy.